This is a Story About a Pirate
by The Real Shindou Shuichi
Summary: A little something I've been writing in the hopes of finding an actual plot. You might even find it funny D. Please note that this story is not meant to be taken seriously XD.
1. Chapter 1

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A PIRATE.

ONE DAY, A PIRATE WAS WALKING AROUND THE DOWNTOWN OF A TOWN. THIS PIRATE'S NAME WAS JACK SPARROW. HE WAS DRUNK. I WOULD BLAME THE LARGE, ALMOST EMPTY, BOTTLE OF RUM IN HIS HAND. SO ANYWAYS, THIS PIRATE WAS A PRETTY COOL GUY. I MEAN, I LIKE HIM AND ALL. HE HAS LOTS OF FANS AND STUFF. SO YEAH, PRETTY COOL PIRATEY DUDE. AND HE WAS WALKING AROUND. DOWNTOWN. LET'S JUST SAY HE'S IN TORTUGA. BECAUSE TORTUGA _RULES_. AND SO, THE PIRATE NAMED JACK SAID TO HIMSELF, "I FEEL LIKE GOING FOR A WALK." BUT THE SILLY GOOSE WAS ALREADY WALKING! SO HE JUST CONTINUED WALKING. EVENTUALLY, HE CAME TO A PUB. "SAY," HE SAID DRUNKENLY. "I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK IN LIKE THREE WHOLE SECONDS." AND SO, HE WENT IN TO THE PUB. IT WAS A GOOD PUB. THERE WERE LIKE, MUSICIANS IN ONE CORNER AND LIKE, A BARTENDER AND STUFF. PRETTY CLASSY. I MEAN, HOW MANY PUBS HAVE A BARTENDER? ARE BARTENDERS EVEN CALLED "BARTENDERS" WHEN TENDING BAR IN A PUB? WOULDN'T THEY BE "PUBTENDERS" OR SOMETHING THEN? BUT WHO CARES. THIS STORY ISN'T ABOUT BAR/PUBTENDERS. IT'S ABOUT AN AWESOME PIRATE NAMED JACK.

SO ANYWAYS, JACK ENTERS THIS PUB, RIGHT, AND HE'S ALL LIKE "ARR, BARKEEP, GIMMIE A DRINK!" SO THE BARKEEP GETS HIM A DRINK. IT WAS A GOOD DRINK. ALL OF A SUDDEN, OUT OF THE DRUNKEN HAZE OF THE BAR (DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE? WHO CARES?) STEPPED ANOTHER PIRATE! THIS PIRATE WAS AN OC. LET'S CALL HER ADAMINA. NOW, ADAMINA WAS KINDA COOL. SHE LIKED RUM AND STUFF. SO SHE SWAGGERED UP TO JACK AND WAS ALL "HEY. YOU'RE A PIRATE." AND HE WAS ALL, "YEAH, SO ARE YOU." SO ADAMINA SAID, "WANNA JOIN FORCES AND HELP ME FIND SOME TREASURE AND STUFF?" AND JACK WAS ALL "SURE, WHY NOT? I COULD USE DOME MORE RUM." WHICH MADE NO SENSE AT ALL. BUT STILL. AND SO BEGAN THE INFAMOUS JOURNEY OF JACK AND ADAMINA! YAY!

AND SO, THEY SET OFF TO FIND, LIKE... EL DORADO OR SOMETHING. BECAUSE THE AUTHOR HAS THIS WEIRD OBSESSION WITH THE IDEA OF JACK & ADDIE SEARCHING FOR EL DORADO. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE FOUND OUT THAT THE GUY THAT PLAYS MIGUEL IN ROAD TO EL DORADO PLAYED LOCKHART IN HARRY POTTER? OR MAYBE IT'S JUST BECAUSE EL DORADO IS ALL COOL AND SPARKLY. BUT ANYWAYS! YEAH, THE SET OUT TO FIND EL DORADO OR SOMETHING. A FEW DAYS INTO THE VOYAGE, THEY WERE ATTACKED BY THE... KRAKEN! DUN DUN DUUUUUUNN! WILL THEY SURVIVE! FIND OUT IN THE NEXT POINTLESS CHAPTER!


	2. Chapter 2

HOKAI, SO. IN OUR LAST... CHAPTER? EPISODE? I DUNNO, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, OUR HEROES WERE ATTACKED BY THE KRAKEN WHILE SEARCHING FOR EL DORADO!

"WELL FUCK!" JACK YELLED AS THE KRAKEN ATTACKED THE SHIP. "THIS REALLY SUCKS!" AND SO, THEY FOUGHT THE KRAKEN. THEN THE KRAKEN ATTACKED THE RUM STORES! THIS MADE MINA AND JACK REAAAAAALLY PISSED! THEIR SHEER ANGER AT HAVING NO RUM WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE THE KRAKEN EXPLODE! WOW!

THAT NIGHT, THERE WAS A GREAT FEAST OF KRAKEN-Y GOODNESS AND ALL WERE SATISFIED. YUM. AFTER THE FEAST, JACK AND ADDIE DECIDED THAT THEY REALLY NEEDED SOME MORE RUM. SO THEY STOPPED IN AT THE NEAREST PORT, WHICH JUST HAPPENED TO BE PORT ROYAL! YAY! WHILE STOCKING UP ON ALL THE RUM THEY COULD GET THEIR HANDS ON, THEY MET TWO MORE PEOPLE! THEIR NAMES WERE WILL AND STARR (ANOTHER OC! YAY!)! HOORAY! ELIZABETH WAS... OFF WITH... CUTLER BECKETT... SOMEWHERE... DOING SOMETHING... I DON'T REALLY CARE. AND SO, WILL AND STARR JOINED JACK AND ADAMINA'S CREW. JUST BECAUSE THEY ROCK. AND BECAUSE MINA WAS SICK OF BEING THE ONLY GIRL.

"WAIT!" ADAMINA YELLED JUST AS THEY WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE. "THERE'S SOMETHING I MUST DO FIRST!" AND SHE PROMPTLY JUMPED SHIP. WHICH WAS PRETTY STUPID, AS SHE COULD HAVE TAKEN THE GANGPLANK THINGY (I THINK THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED... oO I NEED TO BRUSH UP ON MY SHIP TERMINOLOGY), AND COULD HAVE AVOIDED BECOMING A VERY SOGGY PIRATE INDEED. BUT ADAMINA ALWAYS WAS A LITTLE CRAZY LIKE THAT. SO ANYWAYS, SHE JUMPED SHIP AND LIKE... APPARATED TO WHEREVER "LORD" CUTLER BECKETT WAS HANGING OUT. THEN SHE TOTALLY WENT RUROUNI KENSHIN ON HIS ASS. YOU KNOW, LIKE, STAB THROUGH THE STOMACH, MOVE SWORD UP AND SLICE HIS HEAD IN HALF, KENSHIN. GOOD TIMES. GOOD TIMES... ANYWHO!

NOW THAT LORD PANSY-PANTS HAD BEEN TAKEN CARE OF, ADDIE RETURNED TO THE PEARL AND THEY SET OFF ON THEIR WACKY ADVENTURE TO FIND...

EL DORADO! JUST AS THEY WERE ABOUT TO REACH THE ISLAND WHERE EL DORADO WAS SAID TO BE, A GIANT HORSE APPEARED AND ATTACKED THE PEARL! ZOMG! THE HORROR! THIS GIANT HORSE ACTUALLY TURNED OUT TO BE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. MINA AND STARR SNUCK ON BOARD AND TOTALLY KIDNAPPED DAVY JONES' LARGE, ORGASMIC ORGAN (THE INSTRUMENT, YOU PERVS!), AND USED IT AS A WAY OF CONVINCING DAVY JONES TO LIKE... NOT KILL THEM ALL AND COLLECT THEIR SOULS OR WHATEVER. AND SO DAVY JONES WAS SCREWED FOR ALL ETERNITY. WHICH SUCKS, BECAUSE I LIKED HIM. OH WELL.

TO BE CONTINUED!


	3. Chapter 3

SO! WHEN WE LAST LEFT OFF, OUR HEROES HAD BEATEN DAVY JONES AND WERE ALMOST AT THE ISLAND WHERE EL DORADO IS! YAY! OH, IT WAS NIGHT TIME, BY THE WAY.

SO, THE NEXT DAY EVERYONE WAS AWOKEN BY A LOUD CALL OF, "LAND HO!" EVERYONE RUSHED UP ON DECK AND WAS ALL "OMG! LAND!"...EXCEPT FOR ADAMINA. WHO WAS STILL BELOW DECK SIPPING TEA. HOW/WHY SHE HAD A CUP OF TEA ON A PIRATE SHIP, I DON'T KNOW. BUT SHE DID.

EVERYONE FILED INTO THE LONGBOATS AND HEADED TO SHORE. EXCEPT FOR ADDIE, WHO WAS STILL SIPPING TEA. SO EVERYONE HAD TO WAIT ON THE SHORE FOR MINA TO FINISH HER TEA. STARR AND WILL GOT BORED AND RANDOMLY SNOGGED FOR A WHILE. JACK FOUND SOME RUM BURIED UNDER A TREE AND DRANK IT ALL. GIBBS, PINTEL AND RAGETTI JUGGLED LEFT OVER KRAKEN CARCASS. FINALLY, MINA FINISHED AND WAS ON HER WAY TO THE SHORE! YAY! "WAIT A SECOND!" SHE YELLED, AND TIME PROMPTLY FROZE. "SINCE WHEN DO I DRINK TEA?" ...SINCE I SAY YOU DO, ADDIE, NOW GET TO THE FARKING SHORE.

SO ANYWAYS, MINA REACHED LAND AND THEY ALL SET OFF TOWARDS EL DORADO! HUZZAH! THEY VENTURED THROUGH DEEP FOREST FOR DAYS AND DAYS UNTIL THEY CAME TO A CLEARING WITH A LARGE WATERFALL AND STUFF, JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE. MOST OF THE CREW HAD BEEN EATEN BY VARIOUS HUNGRY PREDATORS BY THIS POINT, LEAVING ONLY ADDIE, JACK, STARR, WILL, GIBBS, PINTEL AND RAGETTI. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? TIA CAN BE THERE TOO. BECAUSE SHE'S JUST THAT AWESOME. WAIT, NO! TIA ISN'T THERE! I JUST HAD A BETTER IDEA! IGNORE THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH.

AND SO, MINA REACHED LAND AND THEY ALL SET OFF TOWARDS EL DORADO! HUZZAH! THEY VENTURED THROUGH A DEEP FOREST FOR DAYS AND DAYS, MANY OF THE CREW MEMBERS BEING EATEN BY VARIOUS LARGE AND HUNGRY ANIMALS. EVENTUALLY, THEY CAME TO... TIA'S SHACK? oO "WTF?" THE SURVIVING CREW YELLED. YUP. THERE WAS TIA. IN ALL HER TIA-ISH GLORY. ADAMINA WAS ALL "YAY! TIA!"

IT TURNED OUT THAT TIA WAS THE RULER OF EL DORADO. SHE BROUGHT EVERYONE INTO EL DORADO, WHERE JACK PROMPTLY PIRATED AS MUCH GOLD AS HE COULD CARRY. ADAMINA AND STARR FOUND WHERE THEY KEPT THE RUM AND KIDNAPPED IT ALL, AND WILL AND THE FEW SURVIVING CREW MEMBERS ENJOYED A DAY IN EL DORADO (WHILE SECRETLY PIRATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. JUST BECAUSE THEY COULD). IT WAS A GOOD DAY FOR ALL. EXCEPT FOR THE POOR PEOPLE OF EL DORADO, WHO WERE FLAT BROKE BY THE TIME JACK & THEM LEFT. BUT WHO CARES? IT'S THEIR OWN FAULT FOR NOT BECOMING PIRATES! NYEHEHEHEH!

EVERYONE RETURNED TO THE PEARL, WHERE A DRUNKEN THUMB-WAR CHAMPIONSHIP WITH A MOP WAS HELD, AND ALL HAD A DRUNKENLY GOOD TIME.

TO BE CONTINUED!11


End file.
